How to have the sex you want. Why is there a need for this book?
Although you’ve both changed over the years, you’re probably still having the same sex as when you first met.
However, you are probably not going to the same restaurants, wearing the same clothes, and listening to the same music, so it’s no wonder the spark has gone out of your love life, leaving you both bored and a little frustrated.
Despite the media’s being full of titillation, there is no serious discussion of how to keep passion alive in long-term relationships. Of course, there are books offering “sex tips,” which can be useful if you’re looking for a superficial fix, but they don’t assist in figuring out what has gone awry and why, and most important, what to do about it.
As a marital therapist with close to thirty years of couples counselling experience, I have witnessed this phenomenon over and over again in clients of all ages and stages of their relationships, and I am here to tell you that you don’t have to settle for infrequent or “going through the motions” lovemaking.
You can have the sex you want: passionate, plentiful, and connected. In this book, I show you how to talk to your partner about sex without fighting, how to understand the myths that undermine good lovemaking, and most important, how to be more sensual and “in the moment,” so you forget your everyday concerns, completely let go, and—having stepped away from your to-do list—bask in the joy of fulfilling sex.
It sounds wonderful, doesn’t it? Except you’re sceptical. Do your problems seem too deep to uncover or your partner so defensive, uninterested in sex, or just plain angry to the point where you can’t fathom ever connecting with him or her the way you used to? Don’t worry; I’ve come across all these problems before, and I’m here as a guide and a source for everything you want to know and need to know about reigniting the spark.
How does the book work?
The first three chapters focus on improving communication and repairing damage done to your relationship through years of shutting each other out, humiliation, misunderstanding, mismatched libido, over- scheduled lives, or any other culprit that caused a gap in your connection.
In Chapter Four, I introduce my ten-week program that defies “logic,” by stripping your lovemaking back to basics and unlearning any bad habits that are driving you apart. By adhering to the “no sex” rule, you will relearn how to turn your partner on, set your fantasies free, and introduce new ideas that could spice up your lovemaking.
In the last two chapters, I offer a lens into the problems of sexual functioning and unresolved issues, including affairs and sex addiction. The book concludes with a recap of the ten-week program along with advice, if you’re reading this book alone, on how to recruit your partner to change your sex life.
You will probably discover that your partner has been lying on the opposite side of the bed feeling just as frustrated as you are, which means there is hope for not just better sex but making a fresh start too.
I’ve bought ‘Make Love Like a Prairie Vole’ do I need this one too?
No. I’ve written this book for the American market and used the same programme. Looking at the text again, I’ve updated and moved some parts around as I thought they would work better in another chapter but it remains basically the same book.