When you’re in pain, you just want it to be over straight away
However in the rush to feel better, it’s easy to think that if you’re still stuck that your relationship has been irreconcilably damaged rather than you’ve been REALLY hurt by infidelity.
Six signs that you might need more help getting over an affair
1. Every argument turns into a row about the affair
It might start about ‘why didn’t you put the top back on the orange juice’ but it soon becomes an interrogation about some aspect of the affair.
2. You truly can’t understand why he or she was unfaithful
Your partner has tried a million times but you come back to the same question: How could you have done this to me?
3. You’re keeping things back for fear of rocking the boat
There’s lots of issues that you’d like to discuss or questions that you’d like to ask but you know it will cause a row. However, holding onto them is making you resentful and angry and that’s bad for your relationship too.
4. You’re worried that you’re boring your friends
It seems that all you talk about is your anger or your upset or what he or she has done now. What happened to the fun person you used to be?
5. You’re angry with yourself that you’re no over it or think there’s something wrong with you
It takes much longer than most people imagine to recover from an affair, certainly months and in some cases a couple of years to truly stop thinking about it every day.
6. You’re full of feelings of revenge
You keep thinking why should the other woman or other man escape all the pain and humiliation and spend hours thinking of ways to feel better by making them feel worse.
If you recognise any of these signs, you’re not alone
Everybody struggles to put an affair behind them – and people who throw their partner’s out, don’t escape the heart ache either (in my experience, they take the pain onto the next relationship or ruin their dates by getting paranoid and expecting rejection or becoming engrossed in stories about how much they hate their ex.)
If you’ve ticked three of more of my signs, it sounds like you need more help. This could be couple counselling or individual work.
- What signs made you think that you needed more help?
- What did you get and how did it help?
Please share your experiences by posting comments below.