“I love you but I’m not in love with you” is one of the worst things that your partner can say but you can turn it into an opportunity to transform your relationship.
I have thirty plus years working with couples where one partner has fallen in love and it’s not only possible to fall back in love but find a better more connected relationship.
In this video, I explain the three main causes of your partner falling out of love, the worst reactions to this confession and my most powerful strategies for healing.
Now you understand more about I love you but I’m not in love with you, I have seven strategies to help you fall back in love. You’ll be surprised to discover that the last one is the most powerful one:
Seven Ways to Fall Back in Love
1. Accept that you have a problem
When I researched I Love You But I’m Not in Love With You 19% of my ‘I love you but’ clients had suffered for five years plus. The longer that you leave it, the worse it gets.
2. Forget the candlelit meals and expensive holidays away together
Big gestures don’t work because they make us think that one push will sort everything out. It is much better to create lots of small habits – like eating together in the evening – which will can easily be repeated and make a long term difference.
3. Look at each other more
Harvard scientists discovered that when couples in love talk, they spend seventy five percent of the time looking at each other. With some married couples it can drop as low as thirty percent.
4. Keep a journal
Look back at what you did, what fed and what starved love.
5. Be generous
If you’re fed up with your partner, you will naturally treat him worse. Guess what? He or she will sink down to your level and your relationship becomes trapped in a negative downward spiral. If you treat your partner better, he or she will treat you better in return.
6. Give positive feedback
We are better at communicating our negative feelings than our positives ones. Scientists in Seattle claim to be able to predict with ninety percent accuracy which couples will stay together and which will split.
Those who stay in love give five positives to one negative. Those who fall out of love have a ratio of only one positive to each negative.
7. Stop side-stepping arguments
The most common cause for falling out of love is swallowing conflict. We tell ourselves that it doesn’t matter and switch off our angry feelings, soon everything shuts down. In reality, a row is intimacy as its most intense – you have to be close to have an argument.
You can find out more in my best-selling book I Love You But I’m Not in Love With You.