Would support groups for surviving an affair be a good idea?
Dealing with the fallout from an affair can be really tough and if you’re the Discoverer, it often seems you’ve got to do the lion’s share of rescuing your relationship. No wonder, you feel isolated – especially as your partner gets defensive or angry when you bring up the affair and your friends are sympathetic but don’t really get it.
I had this email from Mara:
Our D-day was May 31st 2012. I know I’m still recovering. Sometimes it feels like dwelling on the details has become second nature and I need to find a way to put it away (like my husband was able to do after several months, so unfair!).
The hardest thing for me is not knowing whether I’m good enough again. When I feel worthless, I’ll go back to survival mode and shut down and panic.
I’ve just discovered your website. Thanks for putting stuff online for us to read and comment. I miss talking to people who have been/are going through the same thing (apart from counselling). If you know anyone in Devon who would like to go to a support group, please let me know.
It made me start thinking. Do we need support groups for surviving an affair in the UK where people going through the aftermath can talk, share experiences and not feel so alone? (There are some in the US.)
If so, what sort of support would be helpful? How could it work?
- Face-to-face group?
- Online forum?
- Just circulating email addresses?
Launch of my Infidelity Survival Training and Support Group in October 2018
I did offer a face-to-face group in London but it proved too difficult for members to attend regularly and it closed. However, I kept on getting requests for such a group from all over the UK and further afield.
I also began to realise that people wanted not just a chance to speak to other people in a similar position but help with coping with the pain of infidelity, knowing if it was wise to give a cheating partner a second chance (especially after he or she had left to be with the affair partner but realised only later their mistake) and how to keep calm when discussing the affair so partners do not clam up and refuse to talk.
In fact, so many topics come up with infidelity that I couldn’t cover them all in my books (even though I have written two on infidelity and I’m currently writing a third).
So I have decided to relaunch the group but with two big differences:
- It is online so anybody recovering from infidelity can join wherever they live
- To provide both a forum to share experiences and support each other PLUS my programme of infidelity survival training.
The group is moderated, so it is a safe space. It is a confidential Facebook group so nobody but other members know you belong and NOTHING you post there is visible anywhere else.
The lessons are on video so you can watch and go through them at your own pace.
Does this sound like something that would interest you?