- Publisher: Bloomsbury Publishing
- Edition: UK & Commonwealth (minus Canada)
- Available in: Paperback, eBook, Audiobook
- ISBN: 9780747585527
- Published: February 15, 2010
Falling out of love does not have to mean the end of your relationship—why your partner no longer feels connected and how to restore intimacy again.
Can you really fall back in love?
That’s the question I used to be asked over and over again, so I did some research and found I love you but I’m not in love with you was the underlying problem of one in four couples who attended the couples counselling service where I worked.
So if your relationship is confined by companionship rather than passion and that’s not enough or your partner has said the dreaded words, I have a message of hope: it is possible to fall back in love again.
Can a book really do all that?
The great advantage of a book over counselling is that I can share a lot of research and information. I explain how love changes over time and help you understand if your problems are about the transition from one period to another or something more fundamental. I look at the myths about love and how what you think protects it will often build a wall between your beloved and you.
I also answer the question: does loving you stop me from being me? At the heart of the book is a counter-intuitive idea: to fall back in love you need to argue more.
How does the book work?
Each chapter has exercises and talking points which can be done as a couple or alone. Don’t worry if your partner is sceptic because changing the way you relate will change the dynamic in your relationship. My hope is that you will be able to recruit your partner.
You will learn these important skills
- Argue productively and address the real issues
- Find the trigger words for more effective communication
- Learn your partner’s love language
- Take your sex life to a deeper level of intimacy
- Create new bonds instead of searching for old ones
There is hope
Although it can be frightening and painful to discover that you have fallen out of love, or that your partner has fallen out of love with you, it is ultimately very positive.
I like to think of I Love You But… as an early warning system that something should change in your relationship. (Previously, I believe someone would have launched themselves into an affair.) It is a sign of emotional maturity to put your hands up and admit the problem before the relationship descends into bitterness and recrimination.
… I Love You But I’m Not in Love with You addresses this problem with sensitivity, depth and intelligence, with advice on how to recreate intimacy while retaining a sense of self. Marshall firmly believes that falling out of love does not mean the end of a relationship.
If you want me to read the book to you or your partner is not a reader and you want to introduce him or her to my work, why not get the audiobook? In all, nine of my titles are currently talking books—but this is the only one that I read myself.