Relationship Advice
What happens at a Men’s Initiation Ceremony?
Why it is never too late to do one
In traditional societies, there were initiation ceremonies to help boys transition into men. While we still have meaningful rituals for other transitions – christening a baby to welcome it into the family, marriage ceremonies to celebrate the change from being single to a couple and funerals at the end of life – the journey from boy to man goes unmarked.
The nearest equivalent today would be your father buying your first legal pint down the pub or the bar mitzvah for Jewish boys at 13. Deep in their hearts, many men feel lost. They know they are missing something important and feel untethered to their own lives.
- By Andrew G. Marshall
- Men's Retreats
So what happened in these traditional initiation ceremonies?
"Transformative." M. (55, Switzerland)
At around twelve or thirteen years old, the boys were kidnapped from their mother’s hearth – in the middle of the night – by the adult men and taken deep into the dark woods. Their mothers would pretend to be horrified and put up a fight to save them. Why was this necessary? Few boys would voluntarily leave the warmth and comfort of their mothers’ orbit – three hot meals a day and unconditional love – but without making this transition from the women’s sphere to the men’s, how could they become a full man?
The advantages would be:
- Embracing new roles, right and responsibilities. This clear marker of growth supports healthy psychological development and self-awareness.
- Community and belonging – it strengthened bonds within the group.
- Teaching opportunity – passing on cultural knowledge and values.
- Spiritual connection – it was both an initiation into the sacred rites of the community and a grounding for a deeper sense of purpose.
- Clear transition – it would mark the end of childhood and reduce identity struggles.
In the woods, the boys would be put through an ordeal – possibly having tooth knocked out, receiving a small wound or having to achieve some task – because adversity brings us face to face without selves and teaches us important lessons.
Afterwards, they would be told the secrets of the tribe and how to be a man. They would be welcomed back to the village with a great feast. From that day forwards, they would be treated as men.
Men's Retreat near Berlin, April 2026
"Bringing together men from all walks of life and all corners of the world to explore what it means to be a man today in a safe, interactive and fun space." D. (52, Germany)
Does this sound something from which you would benefit? I have a Men’s Retreat in April 2026 where I will take a group of men into the woods near Berlin.
What will happen at my men’s retreat:
- The whole retreat from beginning to end will be a ritual.
- We will start by building a container so the group can support each other on the journey.
- The motto will be ‘no man left behind.’
- At the centre of the ritual is an ordeal / challenge. I promise no lasting damage (or loss of teeth).
- You will be welcomed into the tribe of initiated men.
- Afterwards, there will be a celebration and we will look at what are the secrets of being a man today.
Is it for you?
"Courageously refreshing." R. (45, UK)
Why you might like to come and experience an initiation ceremony
- It is harder to make the transition from provisional adulthood (our twenties and thirties) into full adulthood (in our forties) where we need to focus less on what society think is right for us and more on what we need ourselves.
- Help to move from adulthood into being an elder. The ancient wisdom is that if the elders are sick, the whole society is in trouble. Unfortunately, we have no idea what it means to cross the sixty-year-old threshold and be comfortable in our skin. If we can’t do it for ourselves, how can we do it for the next generation?
- Think about the unspoken rules of being a man and whether they are working for you.
- Help you make deeper bonds with other men.
- Get to know yourself better, open up and speak your truth.
- Feel less alone in the world.
- Support your son(s) to make the transition from boy to man.
Ready to join us?
"An incredible journey of self discovery and understanding the power of connection with other men." T. (39, Germany)
"A year's worth of therapy in four days." K. (50, Sweden)
I have put out the call for April 2026. Are you going to hear it and join us? I do hope to welcome you onto my next Men’s Retreat.
Andrew G Marshall.
An excellent listen on a related theme: Conroy Harris: Rites of Passage and Mentoring: How to Become an Adult
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